Personality Connect

Part four concludes this series… for now! After reading this post, try to come up with your own list of key words for love. Take the challenge for Valentine’s Day and add your own!!

There are common adjectives everyone needs to feel loved; some of these include being appreciated, trust, and valued. A person’s comfort level with touch and physical affection varies and is not limited to a traditional feeler type at all. Continuing with the premise love should also be an action word (verb), and not just a noun, here’s a summary of what that action word looks like to each Myers Briggs Personality:

The ESTJ: In addition to wanting to feel respected, love to them looks like loyalty and something they can count on each day in a stable way, they appreciate predictability and reliability. Love is very practical without needing romantic gestures on a daily basis. Save the grand (romantic) acts of love and display, trade it in for something an ESTJ can use like a work tool or gift card to a gas station. In a relationship they enjoy direct communication, dislike ambiguity, and emotional outbursts. The way ESTJ’s show love is through sharing meaningful information about their lives and taking time to provide instruction to those closest to them. They keep their commitments and expect others to do the same. Key words: Respect, Loyalty, Endurance.

The ISTJ: Like the ESTJ, they have a strong desire to feel respected in every aspect and expect loyalty. Love to them is quiet, steady without needing pomp and circumstance. They appreciate predictability and reliability. Love is practical without needing romantic gestures on a daily basis. Like ESTJ’s, in a relationship they enjoy direct communication, dislike ambiguity, and emotional outbursts. The way ISTJ’s show love is through meeting tangible needs of their loved ones and closest friends. Key words: Faithfulness, Respect, Trust. 

The ESTP: ESTP’s on the surface may seem more practical when it comes to love but unlike their ST counterparts they also enjoy the more “whimsical” side of love. Love for them is still tangible and it needs to be vocally expressed otherwise they may question a person’s devotion. They like validation for their efforts and feeling affirmed. ESTP’s show love by being playful – sometimes even to the point of teasing others or going beyond the playful touch. It doesn’t take much to please most ESTP’s, however if they continue to feel ignored and brushed aside they will lose interest very quickly and move one to find people who they feel will pay better attention to them and “love” them more. Key words: Appreciation, Loyalty, Affirmation.

The ISTP: Similar to an ESTP, ISTP’s are simple and practical when it comes to love; also, they are usually more reserved with their affections until they feel completely comfortable with a person. Whereas not as playful as an ESTP, they still enjoy joking around with their loved ones. They will seek to secure any tangible items they think their loved ones may need or want to the best of their ability. Like their ST counterparts, don’t break their trust because they will not be able to “love” in the same capacity. ISTP’s seek loyalty and will be very loyal in all their relationships unless something happens to destroy their trust; to them loyalty and love are like synonyms. Key words: Trust, Fidelity, Respect.

The ENTJ:  ENTJ’s enjoy a certain level of approval and verbal assurance that they are valued and loved. If they feel like their efforts are being taken for granted they feel unloved and spited. ENTJ’s try to show grand acts of romance and love and often will go overboard for their loved ones to “prove” their love for them. ENTJ’s may have a hard time reciprocating love, especially if they feel like others don’t “deserve” their love. The way ENTJ’s show love is how they prefer to receive love and expect the people in their lives and to express lots of appreciation. Key words: Admiration, Respect, Dedication.

The INTJ: INTJ’s need to connect with others on an intellectual level to truly feel loved. This is another reason why they have difficulty in romantic relationships because they have a hard time conveying their dreams if they don’t feel someone matches their intelligence level. As arrogant as that may sound it’s not to be seen in a bad light, INTJ’s in return like to give love to others they feel are deserving and see it as an honor for the people in their lives to be able to share a side that most people do not get the privilege to see. In addition to needing intellectual understanding, they also want freedom to be independent, living their lives uninhibited. Key words: Autonomy, Integrity, Honor.

The ENTP: ENTP’s need to feel acknowledged and supported in order to feel loved. They want their family and close friends to admire the works they are capable of accomplishing and want to feel encouraged by the work they produce. They dislike being taken for granted and ridiculed in any manner. ENTP’s show love by trying to be positive towards their family and close friends, encouraging them to accomplish their dreams and desires. Although they may forget important dates and events, they try to provide assurance by giving precious time and energies to their loved ones. Key words: Admiration, Candor, Assurance.

The INTP: INTP’s have an intense desire to be understood in order to truly feel loved. They also have a strong need to be accepted as they are and not pushed to be someone they are not. If others are trying to steer them in a direction they are not happy with they will have a hard time with feeling loved and will subconsciously alienate themselves from others. Like the ENTP, INTP’s show love through giving their precious time and energies that are only saved for those they truly care about. It’s not given freely, therefore if an INTP is spending a lot of time for you and they are neglecting some of their own needs – they truly love you. Key words: Autonomy, Acceptance, Trust. 

The ESFJ: ESFJ’s are natural nurturers, attempting to take everyone under their wings. They’re people pleasers and on the surface they want everyone to be included, feeling loved and accepted. Love to ESFJ’s is a way to express devotion and loyalty; keep your commitments and spend time with them. They will not feel loved if they think they’re being ignored and neglected. ESFJ’s take a more practical approach to love like ST’s, it’s important for them to have tangible evidence of their relationships and tracking important milestones in their loved one’s lives. As with all feeler types, ESFJ’s need to feel safe in their relationships otherwise they’ll begin to feel resentful and bitter. Key words: Devotion, Faithfulness, Security.

The ISFJ: Like ESFJ’s, ISFJ’s enjoy taking care of others and making people feel like they are welcomed. Like all feeler types, ISFJ’s need to feel secure in their relationships and it’s very important to them to feel wanted and protected in their close relationships otherwise they will not feel loved. ISFJ’s will become withdrawn and extremely quiet if they do not feel safe and loved, often trying to do whatever they can in actions to help reverse this feeling as if they’ve done something wrong and can “fix” it. They’re very loyal and desire their closest friends and family members to be honest and genuine. Key words: Security, Loyalty, Quality time.

The ESFP: ESFP’s are usually open and honest with their emotions. They enjoy showering others with love through being actively involved in their life and spending time with friends and family. They typically enjoy small gift items and are very grateful when someone gives them something; they also like to give others gifts to show their love. It’s not expected with ESFP’s and they don’t need a lot to even feel loved. Although ESFP’s are more free-spirited than their SF counterparts, they still prioritize loyalty and honesty in relationships; they’re usually very forgiving and do not easily hold grudges. Key words: Honesty, Faithfulness, Generosity. 

The ISFP: ISFP’s are more quiet and reserved with their feelings and find it harder to open up to most people, even their closest friends and family. ISFP’s feel loved when they are accepted and not judged. As with all feeler types, feeling secure in their relationships is very important to ISFP’s; if they don’t feel safe, they will not feel loved at all. ISFP’s are usually very generous and will want to give whatever they can to others because to them that’s showing love. In general it doesn’t take much for them to feel appreciated and loved, however, if they feel ignored and neglected they will most definitely notice and not feel loved. Key words: Generosity, Safety, Belonging.

The ENFJ: ENFJ’s are very careful and reserved with their emotions even though they are generally more extroverted. ENFJ’s need a lot of quality time that includes verbal communication to feel connected with their loved ones. ENFJ’s are usually understanding towards others, it is very important to them that their close friends and family members feel included and special. ENFJ’s long for authenticity and being generous with their loved ones. ENFJ’s will not feel loved if they are being taken for granted, unheard, and their feelings are consistently trampled upon. That’s why feeling safe in relationships is very important for ENFJ’s. Key words: Safety, Trust, Genuineness.

The INFJ: Like ENFJ’s, INFJ’s have a strong desire to connect with others verbally and emotionally, they need to feel like they’re being heard. Love to them is most definitely an action word and if their closest friends and family members are not embodying certain actions they will not feel loved. INFJ’s really value the word “cherish” in the wedding vows and believe it’s important to be a person of honor and trust. They need to feel understood and safe otherwise they will withdraw to protect themself. Telling an INFJ you love them isn’t as powerful as showing them through actions that you care and will protect them. Key words: Protection, Genuineness, Integrity.

The ENFP: ENFP’s enjoy the feeling of love and being around people who make them feel loved. It’s not very hard to please ENFP’s because they are usually very open and optimistic about life. To them, love is based upon a mutual understanding and being comfortable around someone. Of course trust and feeling safe is also important to them, if they feel something is off in a relationship they’re not going to be willing to stay. For family and close friends they will try to give them the world if they can. ENFP’s love the feeling of “being in love” and often consider themselves hopeless romantics. They really appreciate receiving love with small acts such as bringing flowers, making lunch, or planning a star-gazing date. Key words: Trust, Faithfulness, Honesty.

The INFP: INFP’s are similar to ENFP’s in that they consider themselves to be hopeless romantics, however, before they will open up they are skeptical until they trust you. Love is most definitely built on trust and feeling accepted for who they are; if it doesn’t “feel right” they will have a hard time bonding with anyone. INFP’s are exclusive with their circle of friends and even family members, closely relating to INFJ’s more than ENFP’s. Whereas on the outside it may seem like they trust you and they’re open, they’re really not. You have to prove yourself worthy in order for them to allow you in their personal world and life. INFP’s feel loved when they feel perfectly safe and accepted. Honesty is very important to them and once you break their trust it’s very hard to gain it back. Key words: Security, Acceptance, Integrity.