Personality Connect

Conflict is all around us even though most people try to avoid contention.

Before you begin reading this short synapsis of how each personality type handles personality types, conflict is very complex and obviously this is not an extensive in-depth analysis. This is a quick glimpse into how each type relates to conflict in their personal lives. It is not necessarily an indicator of how they may deal with external issues that don’t affect their lives personally. As the saying goes, “You can’t solve a problem you don’t see”.  Most people don’t handle conflict well, either on a personal or corporate level; this is evident from the amount of conflict we have globally.

Of course as I usually stress, the strengths of each dichotomy makes a difference in how each person chooses to deal with problems and overall issues in their life. Generally speaking this is a synapsis of how each inner dichotomies deals with conflict:

ST’s: They’re usually pretty calm and collected when it comes to dealing with conflict. In part because they think they’re right and want to solve the issue their way unless they’ve learned how to respect other people’s perspectives. The traditional way they approach conflict is through their way of being logical and putting emotional appeals aside. If it doesn’t make sense to them, then they don’t believe it’s a practical way of solving conflict.

SF’s: Similarly to ST’s, they think their way of solving problems is the best way. However, they are more willing to listen to what the other side has to say and are open to looking at different options because conflict creates a lot of stress in their life and they’re open to solving the issues as long as it makes enough sense to them. Since they are more natural feeler types, they prefer to talk out their feelings and seek to work out conflict on an emotional level because they will “feel” better in their mind afterward when the conflict is resolved.

NT’s:  They rely on their personal knowledge and logic to tackle problems. Whereas their approach may not be as outwardly practical as ST’s, they do not like to address conflict from an emotional standpoint and use their inner guidance to be the final deciding factor, even if it doesn’t seem to be the the most efficient to others such as ST’s. This is because their intuition mixed with their thinking functioning creates a solid foundation to solving problems in their mind. They are also more apt to believe their way of solving a problem is the best solution.

NF’s: Preferring not to deal with hostile situations, they do their best to find options that don’t involve messy confrontations. Their way of dealing with conflict usually entails a mixture of emotions and relying on their intuition to do what they think is best in order to solve the problem, even if it is not the best way to approach the subject. They care about other’s feelings and perspectives even if they do not agree with the other person’s viewpoint.

ESTJ: ESTJ’s are usually adept at handling conflict. They are not ones to beat around the bush. If they haven’t learned how to be diplomatic in their approach then they’re likely to cause a lot of friction. ESTJ’s aren’t afraid of conflict even if they aren’t happy about the situation. They prefer to conquer the problem as soon as possible and come to a solution. The problem that may arise is the ESTJ’s way of solving conflict and coming to an agreement. Since their functioning is dominant sensing, thinking and judging, they expect everyone to solve problems “logically” according to common sense even if other sides do not agree. ESTJ’s, like ISTJ’s, believe in justice and what’s “fair”, not resolving conflict according to feelings and mercy.

ISTJ: ISTJ’s don’t enjoy conflict but they don’t run away from it either. If they don’t deal with it in the moment they usually try to wait a little to deal with the issue but are not going to forget about what happened. ISTJ’s can sometimes appear passive aggressive, especially if they’re high introverts. Their dominant sensing-judging side will want to solve it logically – according to their version of logic and common sense, even if it doesn’t make sense to the other side. ISTJ’s, like ESTJ’s, believe in justice and what’s “fair”, not resolving conflict according to feelings and mercy.

ESTP: ESTP’s usually ignore conflict and have a hard time being serious about problems. It takes them a longer time to address situations and recognize that there is conflict and it is problematic. When they do address conflict, it’s usually from their logical perspective and try to resolve issues from what they believe is the problem. If an ESTP is mature and has learned how to be mindful about what is going on around them, they will make an effort to work on the conflict because they don’t want to intentionally upset other people.

ISTP: ISTP’s typically hate dealing with conflict and will avoid it until they are forced to face the issue. If they aren’t blatantly forced to deal with the problem they won’t bring up the issue on their own. They will use other methods to deal with the stress of the conflict and make sacrifices in their life, even if that means their personal health suffers. When ISTP’s decide to address conflict they typically try to approach the issue according to their perspective of what is logical and how they think it should be solved. The mature ISTP has learned how to manage conflict situations and seeks to solve conflict when they feel it is necessary.

ESFJ: ESFJ’s are not a fan of conflict but they don’t like other people to be upset with them therefore they usually seek to resolve the issues as best as they can. Depending on the ESFJ, they may wait until the other person says something first or the other side (if it’s a work-related issue) approaches them first. Other ESFJ’s will prefer to “get ahead of the situation” and will be assertive. They will most likely try to approach the problem with a combination of how they see the issue and will attempt to listen to the other party in hopes of coming to an agreement. If their repeated attempts continue to go unaddressed in their eyes they may become passive aggressive out of frustration and anger.

ISFJ: ISFJ’s absolutely hate conflict. They try to run away from it as far as possible. Since that never works, the ISFJ often finds themself trying to come up with a solution that doesn’t involve the other person or side. When that doesn’t work and it turns into an ongoing conflict, they will hope the other party approaches the subject and perhaps the conflict is solved. A mature ISFJ understands how to deal with conflict and will pick their battles but it usually takes them a while to get to that point because of the difficulty they have naturally to tackle conflicts.

ESFP: ESFP’s don’t like conflict. Like ESFJ’s, they’ll most likely wait until the other person brings it up and if they don’t, then they’ll approach the problem after they can’t take it anymore unless it’s in their romantic relationships. They’re more likely to address conflict in their romantic relationships than in any other relationship in their life. With most sensing personalities, they prefer handling conflict based upon what methods make the most sense to them. Sensing-feeling types like to express their emotions and thoughts on the matter before coming to a conclusion. ESFP’s are typically quicker to get over a conflict and move on than some other feeler type personalities.

ISFP: ISFP’s absolutely hate conflict. A mature ISFP will deal with conflict the best way they can. They usually decide which people are worth keeping their life and which work situations they can’t avoid. They approach the conflict with extreme caution and hope that it isn’t as bad as it may seem. A moderate ISFP will recognize the conflict should be solved and may make attempts to deal with the issue(s). Unhealthy ISFP’s will not address conflict in any way and often continue to stonewall the subject. This leads to either staying in a bad relationship, hating their job for the rest of their lives or until they decide to quit, quitting organizations and/or institutions because they don’t want to deal with the conflict.

ENTJ: ENTJ’s thrive on conflict. They enjoy debates, arguments, competitions, wars…. They are not afraid of altercations and may sometimes be the instigators. Since ENTJ’s hold natural leadership qualities, they have the ability to solve problems and come up with different solutions. The problem is that they usually think their way of handling an issue is the best, when that is not always the case. When ENTJ’s refuse to listen to other perspectives, they will obviously have a hard time effectively solving conflict.

INTJ: INTJ’s do not enjoy conflict but they are usually able to handle it. INTJ’s will calculate what makes the most sense and will attempt to intuitively deal with problem in their mind first, and then their logical side will map out the plan to solve the conflict. If this doesn’t work then they may go back to the draw board and decide how important the matter is to them, if it’s not that important then they probably won’t attempt to deal with the issue anymore. If it is important then they’ll try to re-approach the subject.

ENTP: ENTP’s aren’t bothered by conflict. If they don’t feel it is problematic enough then they’ll most likely brush it off because it’s not a huge concern in their eyes. If they happen to think that there is a problem then they will be assertive and attempt to solve the issue. They usually try to fix the problem with a mixture of their intuition and logic. If that doesn’t work then they’ll chose what method they feel is best in order to resolve the conflict even that means cutting ties with a relationship, job, organization, etc.

INTP: INTP’s take a lassiez-faire approach to most conflicts. They wait to see if it’s worth their time before they attempt to resolve anything. INTP’s are usually not aggressive unless they’ve been pushed past their limits. In dealing with solving conflict, they usually calculate what is important based off their intuition and what’s logical to them, very similar to ENTP’s functioning because they share the same internal (NT) cognitive processing.

ENFP: ENFP’s try their best to avoid getting into conflict because they hate discord. They are usually not adept at solving conflict on their own and will often dodge problems, but since they don’t like people upset with them they’ll attempt to deal with the issue. ENFP’s usually get emotional when they’re dealing with conflict and really want others to express their concern on an emotional level and will value that over making decisions logically in others minds.

INFP: INFP’s are very similar to ENFP’s and hate conflict, therefore they do their best to stay away from it altogether. Since they won’t be able to successfully run away from conflict, they typically address conflict with those closest to them and the relationships they value. If an INFP is having difficulty effectively solving conflict they will eventually try to use with other ways to cope, the top one being avoiding the person or thing that is creating the conflict. This could be not speaking to a friend, not watching the news, or choosing to not attend work meetings if they can get away with it.

ENFJ: ENFJ’s can actually be really good with handling conflict. They’re usually easier to approach with conflict than some other personality types (including their counterpart -the INFJ) and are willing to come to some type of agreement, even if that means compromising. ENFJ’s use their natural interpersonal skills to address conflict in their personal life and will do their best to listen to the other person’s perspective and grievances. Most other personality types don’t have major grudges against ENFJ’s because they are really harmonious by nature and do their best to stay away from instigating conflict situations. They prefer to address issues sooner rather than later.

INFJ:  INFJ’s absolutely hate conflict and try their best to minimize any potential conflicts in their lives. If you’ve ever heard of the “INFJ Door Slam”, this is one of the reasons why. If an INFJ senses a possible problem then they will be proactive in tackling the situation, even if that means the other party isn’t aware of what’s going on. INFJ’s are very skilled with looking at all different sides and seeing future problems that others may not currently see. To other personality types this may come across as having a lack of empathy but it isn’t. INFJ’s like all the other Intuitor type personalities use their intuition to guide their decisions on how to deal with conflict situations and being primarily a feeler-type, they use emotions to help guide the process. Since they care about positive outcomes, they will do their best to solve it logically but will take into consideration the other person’s feelings.